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Good lessons, sorrow, and the Great Unknown

It doesn't happen often for me to write a serious blog entry, but I felt like I needed to open the gates and let my mind flood out..
Sometimes in life you need to look at yourself from the outside, and think "is what I'm doing right?". I am glad to say that, for once, I wasn't scared to look. Not because I knew the answer, but because I'm not scared of the answer anymore. Even if you're doing something wrong, you have your good reason to do it.
I also learnt something from playing poker. Admittedly I'm not a good player, but some things from the game can be applied to life. What makes a good player is the ability to decide when to fold a hand. Sit out your bad luck. I never had this until now. Which is why distance doesn't scare me anymore. I can sit out the bad periods, not worrying, knowing that at one point a good hand will come. And that is when you have to win the hand. Play it hard when you have the right cards.
I used to play it always hard. I used to try and try and try again. Now I'm going to relax, and be comfortable in the knowledge that there's something out there for me, whether it's here or there, whether it's now or in the future. Whether it's this time or not. Life's only good if you feel good about it. And that's where everything has changed for me.
When you KNOW you're going to win this hand, you must bet. You might still not win it, but when it's really a good one, you don't just THINK, you KNOW.
This leads me neatly to sorrow. If only I had reached this stage earlier. If only I had the ability to analyse my situation from above, and if only I had the ability to call quits when the time was right, I'd most certainly have come out a winner. Or at least not lost anything. It took me a while to rebuild my strengths, and probably someone will come along and demolish them again. But now I know that it'll be back. All I have to do is sit out the bad luck and wait for it to go away.
So this Great Unknown, the future. Whatever it is, whatever comes, good or bad, it'll fell good. Because now that I'm more in peace with myself than ever, I can look at life and say "Bring it on, give me all you've got" and then take it. Either way.

And to set the record straight, I have pocket aces. Or maybe I'm bluffing...

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